Stay With
by da-mouse
Summary: He makes a decision, a painful one, for her happiness, and his brother's. But he does not know how she felt about him...[Rewrite of EikodenSuzaku Hi Den] -HotohorixHouki-


**Disclaimer**: All credits to the wonderful Watase Yuu. I'm just messing about with her characters.

**Note**: Eikoden/Suzaku Hi Den setting – Hotohori/Houki's story. This is a rewrite of the events in my own words – just because I wanted to write Hotohori/Houki and have zero originality. Nyarh. And…this is going to be short. Very. Warnings for sap…in a way.

**Stay With   
**written by: da-mouse ®

**Chapter One: To Let Go**

**-**

_You have a brother, Your Highness. An older brother, forced to be given away to save his life, in the struggle for the throne. _

_That brother…is me._

Hotohori sat in the velvety darkness of his chamber, unable to sleep, his mind replaying the words of the man who claimed to be his older brother. Older brother…and the rightful emperor.

He doubted the young man – Tendoh – was lying. He himself saw the resemblance, the same eyes. And the mark of Suzaku on his neck…where Hotohori's seishi symbol glowed in the mirror of that exact spot.

His golden-hazel eyes narrowed, as he contemplated. He had to do what was right.

He would have to give up the throne to the rightful heir, the brother who had lived the live of a peasant for twenty years. Guilt washed over the young emperor, as his fingers curled into a fist. It was enough that he had lived the life of an emperor since birth. It was enough that he luxuriated in the palace while the true emperor slaved away as a farmer's son. He hadn't known, one might say, therefore he couldn't be blamed. But now he knew the truth, he had to give up this life of privileged royalty. He had no right to keep holding onto what was not his.

What was not his...

_Miaka__?_

He felt a small pang as he thought about the Miko. He had long ago given up on the girl, she held eyes for no one but his fellow seishi, Tamahome. But she was his first love, and she brought to him friends, and laughter, she showed a lonely emperor how to smile, how to love, how to care…and he would hold a small, but eternal, place in his heart for her, because of that.

But it was not Miaka he was thinking of, at that moment.

Rather, it was a certain lavender-haired young woman, the young woman he had taken to for the past few weeks, who had managed to capture his attention, who had been with him when he met his older brother.

She was his brother's neighbor, childhood playmate, his first love. And he was…_her_ first love. He saw the way they looked at each other, the expression in his brother's eyes when he extended his hand to her, and urged her to rebuild their village…together.

_Houki_.

The young woman who bored such remarkable resemblance to his lost comrade.

He was still feeling the grief of losing Nuriko when he met her. Undoubtedly the strong physical likeness drew him to her, and he found solace in her, because like him, she had a strong bond with the fallen seishi. Like him, she was Nuriko's firm friend. She knew his secret and yet never betrayed him to anyone in the harem.

He spent countless days with her, summoning her to him, for tea, for dinner…talking to her, mostly about Nuriko, both sharing their memories of their departed friend. They healed each other.

Then the topics took a turn from Nuriko to their respective selves. Hotohori found himself revealing to Houki, somewhat with an air of sadness, matters, problems, situations about himself that he never told anyone else.

And she always listened, quietly, never interrupting, smiling encouragingly, and murmured words of comfort. Those emerald eyes, always glowing with compassion, wisdom and beauty.

He began to see her for who she really was, rather than just someone he could share his loss with. He began to see her as Houki, beautiful, elegant, and poised with a generous heart of purest gold. She tried to understand him, and understood him she did. A gentle, charming woman, who seemed to genuinely care for him. For him, Hotohori, and not for His Highness, Emperor of Konan. He felt comfortable, peaceful, and exhilaratingly so, when he was with her. And he had never felt that way before, not even with Miaka.

His feelings for her were so new, so strange…that even he himself wasn't sure _what_ exactly he felt for her.

He was beginning to think that perhaps, just perhaps…he could love this woman.

Just perhaps…

Allowing his thoughts to drift from the depths of his feelings, his gaze turned to the full, glowing moon outside the small square of window, he dwelled on the brother he never knew, and how he came to find out.

Through their conversations and time together, he noted the reflected worry and concern whenever Houki spoke of her childhood and family. He knew she missed her family, so he granted permission for her to return to her village. And on a whim, possibly a fleeting one, he chose to go with her…and found devastation. He had so hoped to see her smile, to see her happy…but instead, he was forced to stand by and watched as she wept for her lost family and destroyed village, seemingly at a loss on how to comfort her on her sudden and unexpected grief.

And his older brother…

He swept a tendril of chestnut hair off his forehead, teeth gritting slightly. His brother loved Houki. It was plain to see. And Houki, she shook her head when Tendoh reached out for her, but still, he could feel her hesitance as she did so. Perhaps she was afraid of displeasing him.

He was, after all, the emperor. It wouldn't do to upset him. Yes, she refused because she was feared His Highness's wrath.

In all honesty, he wanted her to be with him. But he would never want her to stay against her will. He wanted to make her happy. He was, perhaps, if fortunate, her friend. He wanted so much to be more than just a friend, a companion.

But his brother was the one she loved.

He knew that if he refused to give up the throne, or if he was to order her to be with him…all his orders would be heeded. He would remain Emperor of Konan, with Houki by his side, retaining with him the comforting familiarity and glow he had became accustomed to. But she…she would not be happy. If that was to be the situation, he doubted that he would have his own happiness.

He needed to do what was right.

Standing up, the ruler of Konan reached his decision.

He would give up his throne to the one who deserved it. The decision was to be announced to his advisors…tomorrow. Losing his status as the emperor did not upset him all that much, he had a feeling that his brother would be a good emperor. All that mattered was the people of Konan continued to live in peace and happiness under a good ruler.

Rather, the bitterness he felt in his heart now, was for her. For her, Houki…

Opening his doors, Hotohori padded out silently into the dark night, crossing to the harem. As he stepped into the small garden that was so familiar with memories of tea and Houki, he hesitated. Steeling himself, he walked on…and found a slim silhouette on a stone bench.

He approached her. "Houki." He called softly.

The young woman jolted, visibly startled, and turned to find the emperor behind her. "Heika!" Standing up, she swept into a curtsy, when Hotohori raised his hand. "There is no need for that, my lady."

He noted, with a somewhat painful note, how graceful she was, even when recovering from half a curtsy and obvious embarrassment.

"I have come to tell you…" He said, putting on a brisk tone in his voice. "That, if you wish, you may go with my brother."

Her emerald-green eyes widened with surprise. "Heika…?"

"Please wait a moment, I am not finished yet." Regarding her with some sadness, he continued. "I will hand the throne of Konan to him, the rightful ruler, by blood and by line."

She was silent, still looking at him with a wide-eyed expression.

"…He loves you. You…should be with him." The words were difficult to utter. He looked away then, knowing that he had finished what he came for. Abruptly, he started to leave, not knowing what to say anymore. "Good night, my lady."

He had taken no further than two steps when her halting voice stopped him. "Heika!"

He turned back, and saw confusion, mingled with sorrow, on that lovely face. "Heika…I…I…" She stammered. "I wish…to tell you…I…"

_Thank you?_ For some reason, he didn't want to hear it.

She looked down. "I…" A faint blush tinged her pale cheeks, evident in the bright moonlight.

A soft expression encompassing his features, he neared her, and tilted her chin up with two slender fingers, holding her emerald gaze in his golden ones. Her eyes were dark green with a swirl of emotions, emotions that he couldn't decipher.

Time seemed to stop as he looked at her, and the sense of loss began to gnaw at him. He would never see her again, after tomorrow. He could not allow himself to.

"Be happy, Houki." He murmured.

_I wish your happiness…with Aniue. I wish for his happiness…what he deserves…_

He stroked her cheek with a gentle caress, memorizing her features, her mesmerizing eyes, the gentle arch of eyebrows and the haughty beauty of the slope of her nose, her petal-soft lips and her porcelain skin…committing them to memory, and then he dropped both his hand and his gaze.

_A memory is all that I will possess. _

Turning, he left the garden.

He remembered how he was contemplating that perhaps he could love her.

What he didn't know then was that he already did. He was already in love with her.

But like the other he had loved, not so long ago, she was not his. Love had eluded him once again – as with Miaka, Houki's heart belonged to another. Therefore, he had to let her go.

_I have no right to keep holding onto what is not mine. _

_Perhaps I am destined not to have any happiness. Not destined to be loved. _

_Her happiness…is my pain. _

-

-to be continued-

da-mouse ®  
posted 30th June 2004  
3.17 AM

I am very aware of the unoriginality of this story. Scenes that don't make sense/not in the book/series are added and manipulated by yours truly to make this story work.

I am aware that there are practically zilch fans in the Hotohori/Houki fandom, so I am not expecting a lot of readers. However, if you do happen to read, I am very appreciative of ALL reviews and constructive criticism. BUT do NOT leave me a flame just because you hate this pairing/hate Houki/hate Hotohori. If you don't like either or both or the pairing, DON'T READ. Sorry if I sounded bratty, but I had issues with people flaming me just because they hate the coupling, so I want to make this clear.

That aside, hope this doesn't suck beyond belief.

**EDIT: **Cleaned up a lot of mistakes, added few sentences for continuity, and hopefully the piece is smoother than what it used to be.


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